Protecting Your Mind, Protecting the Mission
November’s theme for The Purpose Playbook is Prioritizing Self-Care, Emotional Well-Being, and Mental Health for Yourself and Your Team. This month, Dr. Lacayo is dismantling the outdated narrative that self-sacrifice fuels change and, instead, nurturing a mindset that values resilience, emotional clarity, and intentional self-care as acts of rebellion against a system that often demands too much of us. She also challenges patriarchal values that expect women and non-binary individuals to prioritize others over their well-being. In the nonprofit field, where burnout and self-sacrifice are all too common, it’s time to embrace a new model that places mental well-being as the cornerstone of sustainable impact.
In the nonprofit world, “giving everything” is practically the job description. We’re taught that true commitment means relentless sacrifice, setting aside our needs to serve the cause. But here’s the question: When does dedication cross into self-abuse? Especially the kind of abuse we condemn and fight in others? This month’s theme in The Purpose Playbook challenges the myth that social justice requires self-sacrifice. We must reclaim our mental health as our most powerful resource to create real, lasting change. Sustainable impact doesn’t come from burnout—it comes from resilient, well-supported leadership.
I experienced this firsthand as a non-profit leader...
I once faced a period of relentless crises—work demands piled up, personal responsibilities swelled, and I found myself juggling it all without a pause. I’d tell myself, “Eres una guerrera; ¡aguanta!” (You’re a warrior; you can handle this). I justified every skipped meal, every sleepless night, and every lost moment with loved ones, believing that I’d rest “when it was all over.” But the truth was, it was never over. There was always something urgent, someone who needed me, and a growing list of “important” tasks. As the days blurred into nights and meals became afterthoughts, my body finally revolted.
One day, I collapsed, too exhausted even to get out of bed. I was left with an unsettling realization: I had been my own oppressor. If anyone else had treated me this way—demanding I work around the clock, denying me rest, and withholding compassion—I would’ve recognized it as abuse. But because I had been the one enforcing this treatment, I justified it. Lying there, I asked myself: Was any of it worth this? Would I remember the accomplishments that led me here, or would I only remember the pain?
At that moment, I confronted the hard truth that I had become both the victim and the perpetrator. My body felt abandoned and exploited as if it were calling me out on my own cruelty. I realized that no mission, no goal, could ever justify sacrificing my health, my mental clarity, or my joy. "Asà como una flor no compensa ni borra una paliza (Just as flowers don’t erase or compensate for a beating)", no achievement could make up for the toll I’d inflicted on myself. If I destroyed my health in the process, what would any of it be worth?
This experience forced me to redefine resilience—not as an unyielding commitment to endure and to push through at all costs, but as the courage to know when to pause, when to rest, and when to protect my energy. I decided to set boundaries with myself, just as I would with any relationship. I drew a line and committed never to cross it again. I promised myself that I would never again sacrifice my well-being for the sake of accomplishment. No hay nada que lo justifique y no hay nada que lo compense. (Nothing justifies it, and nothing can compensate for it.)
This decision marked a turning point in my life and leadership. I finally understood that taking care of myself wasn’t just an option—it was a non-negotiable foundation for creating a lasting impact.
Recognizing Self-Abuse as a Systemic Issue
Sadly, my story is similar to thousands of non-profit leaders, team members, and activists. Our sector often praises self-sacrifice, yet the truth is this mindset reflects a much larger oppressive framework. Nonprofit leaders, especially women and marginalized communities, are often expected to place everyone else’s needs before their own, mirroring societal structures built on patriarchy and white supremacy. These systems have reinforced the idea that our worth lies only in what we can sacrifice—whether that’s time, energy, or personal well-being. This mentality isn’t just harmful; it’s a tool of control, reinforcing a culture that values productivity over people.
These narratives are not accidental; they are deeply ingrained systems of oppression that keep leaders too exhausted to question or resist. Patriarchy, for instance, promotes self-neglect as a “virtue” for women, expecting them to nurture and serve without limit. White supremacy, on the other hand, demands conformity and compliance, conditioning people of color to prove their worth through overwork and unrelenting dedication. These systems benefit when we burn out because they maintain the status quo—a world where only a select few have the power, privilege, and freedom to prioritize their own well-being.
Decolonizing our minds means rejecting the oppressive narratives that equate sacrifice with strength and commitment. It means redefining resilience as an allegiance to sustainable strength, not as the ability to push through pain and exhaustion. It’s about seeing self-care as an act of resistance, a way to honor our inherent worth. By choosing self-care, we actively resist the structures that depend on our exhaustion and reclaim our right to lead with clarity and purpose.
Understanding the Impact of Self-Abuse on the Brain and Your Mission
Self-abuse and chronic neglect aren’t just emotionally exhausting—they physically impair the brain’s ability to function effectively. When we push ourselves beyond healthy limits, our brains shift into “survival mode.” In this state, stress hormones like cortisol flood the body, damaging areas responsible for memory, focus, and emotional regulation over time.
This survival mode is precisely what oppressive systems rely on to keep leaders from reaching their full potential. When our brains are constantly managing stress, critical functions like creativity, decision-making, and emotional intelligence become compromised. Instead of driving positive change, we end up stuck in reactive, short-term thinking, unable to create the visionary impact we aspire to.
The cycle is clear: Self-abuse leads to diminished brain function, which reduces leadership effectiveness and directly undermines the mission. True impact requires a brain that’s rested, resilient, and primed for higher-order thinking. This makes self-care not just an option, but a necessity for sustainable social change.
Practical Steps to Break the Cycle of Self-Abuse
Transforming deeply held beliefs and patterns requires action and accountability. Here are clear steps to help you reclaim self-care, set boundaries, and redefine resilience:
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Audit Your Self-Talk: Notice the internal dialogue you have around work and worth. When you catch yourself thinking, “I can rest after this project,” or “I have to push through,” question it. Ask yourself, “Would I impose this on someone I care about?” Shifting your inner narrative from self-judgment to self-compassion is a powerful first step in ending self-abuse.
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Set Boundaries and Communicate Them: Define specific work hours, and share these with your team. Boundaries aren’t just personal—they set a standard within your organization that well-being matters. Start with simple boundaries, like taking an actual lunch break or ending work at a set time each day. Protect these boundaries as firmly as you would an important meeting.
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Practice Mindful Transitions: Nonprofit work often involves high-stress tasks back-to-back. Between meetings or major tasks, take a minute to breathe, stretch, or step away from the screen. Mindful transitions allow your brain to reset, helping you manage stress and avoid mental fatigue.
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Establish a Weekly Self-Check-In: Dedicate 15 minutes each week to assess your mental and emotional state. Are you honoring your boundaries? Are you feeling overwhelmed? Regular check-ins help you stay connected to your needs and make adjustments before burnout takes hold.
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Use “Energy Budgeting”: Treat your energy as a finite resource. List your tasks by energy demand (high, medium, or low) and distribute them throughout the week. By balancing demanding work with restorative activities, you protect yourself from burnout while still getting meaningful work done.
Why Hiring an Executive Coach is a Game Changer
Breaking free from these deeply ingrained patterns isn’t easy. It requires not only personal commitment but also consistent support and accountability. This is where hiring an executive coach, especially one familiar with the nonprofit world, can be transformative. A skilled coach brings an outside perspective, helping you recognize and address the self-abusive behaviors that have become normalized in your role. Importantly, a coach with expertise in nonprofit challenges understands the pressures of funding, mission-driven work, and the high emotional demands of advocacy.
A New Kind of Leadership
Ending self-abuse isn’t just a personal journey; it’s a commitment to a new kind of leadership in the nonprofit sector. Social justice doesn’t need more self-sacrifice. It needs leaders who are clear-headed, resilient, and able to sustain their impact over the long term. When we decolonize our minds from the narratives that praise endless sacrifice, we create a culture that values mental health, promotes balance, and actively resists the oppressive systems that depend on our exhaustion.
By investing in self-care, setting firm boundaries, and working with an executive coach, you’re not only protecting your well-being—you’re modeling a new, liberated approach to leadership. Together, we can create a nonprofit culture that rejects burnout as the price of impact and embraces resilience as the foundation of lasting change.
Self-Reflection Questions
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In what ways have I internalized beliefs that equate sacrifice with worth, for myself and for others?
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How would my leadership approach change if I prioritized my physical, mental and emotional health?
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What would it look like to support my team in creating boundaries that protect their well-being?
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How does this principle challenge my current understanding of resilience and commitment?
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Am I willing to seek outside support, such as an executive coach, to help me make these changes sustainable?
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